“What’s in the Box!?”

A Perspective on Trauma CompartMENTALization v/s Processing While Incarcerated
DOUGLAS V. JOHNSON, II (RNCC, #1937011)

We stare down into the seemingly bottomless & packed “box” suppressed with our demons/issues/insecurities/trauma. Not getting overwhelmed can be a tremendous task in itself… It can definitely lead to some significant procrastination… A fear of stirring up old pain can cause us to put it off until later as we find something sweet to keep us occupied/distracted.

Unpacking this box alone is not recommended because things usually get worse, before they get better… Unfortunately, in incarcerated settings, mental health resources/programs are severely limited/scarce. If we were in society, we could get a dedicated counselor/therapist to help us unpack this box…

Prior to my incarceration, I ran from working on myself for so long, but now I only wish I had a professional to take me through the process of processing it all. I just poured Gin & Jen on the box and lit it on fire, only to wake up the next morning with it weighing heavily upon my chest… I stored that old beat-up&tattered box in the back of the garage. I got tired of seeing that worn-out taped-up box, so I put it in the Fu€#!ng basement, & then the attic.

But, sitting with me in solitary confinement, I was alone with the box for two consecutive years… Emotions intensified to the n’th degree. The first piece of advice I got from my Boss/Colleague/Mentor was “A counselor just helps you understand yourself better and will give you tools to cope with your issues… So now, it will be on you to gain a greater sense of self-awareness which includes acknowledging your pain & demons… Begin to WRITE & Read, and Keep WRITING and Reading!”

Anyhow, the box gets lighter as we take our time to inventory its contents and acknowledge what’s in there… then, one by one we take it apart to process it, and then put each item on the damn shelf as if it were a trophy, somehow turning it into a Positive. Transforming the gruesome pain into Greater Purpose!!!… Then, we decide when to take the next item out of the box…

As I now confidently look my shelf of sculptures in the eye, I feel tremendous clarity of my issues. I have now taken my POWER back from the box. As the box got lighter, I began to understand myself so much better… A fresh perspective and outlook on life.

Something else also happened… My inability to concentrate began to dissipate and my reading comprehension and memory began to improve. I then realized the impact that my unprocessed trauma had on me over the years.

In our incarcerated settings, the lack of mental health services can exacerbate our mental health issues. Many of us turn to self-medicating our issues which worsens our situations. If we really want to honestly address our problems, we HAVE TO take the initiative to educate ourselves, better understand ourselves/issues, utilize any & all available resources, and invest in & cultivate our support systems. We CANNOT stop at “well, there are no mental health services.” If we wait on DOC (regardless of the state) to provide more services without taking personal accountability & initiative, then we are wasting our ‘Time.’

With all of the reading/writing/self-reflection, my communications skills also significantly improved… All of these improvements have led to me making HEALTHIER life-altering decisions and helped ensure I was emotionally available for my Family.

Addressing our suppressed mental health issues requires extremely hard work when we are out there in a free society even with an abundant amount of resources (therapists/counselors, support groups, variety of medication, treatment methods, etc.). While incarcerated, we have to work infinitely harder if we want to grow and build. One advantage that we do have on this side of the wall is, our ‘Time’ to get laser-focused on unpacking that box… With acknowledgement, comes growth…

-DOUGLAS V. JOHNSON, II (RNCC, #1937011)
19JUL23

Hear My Voice!

Hear my voice! Hear my voice!

Is there anyone out there? If so please listen to my voice. I was given a 38 year sentence. Is anyone out there that has a heart? Please take a moment and ” Hear my voice .” I have served 23 years of it so far. I did commit a crime and yes deserve to be punished, but not for this long.
There was a question asked if I can identify with the extra stress brought on by the budget amendment for me, my environment, my loved ones and prisoners behind the walls. My answer would be “yes.” Do you hear my voice crying out in the wilderness? We have a Crisis on Mental Health in the world today. Sad to say not just in our Society, but also behind the walls of prison as well. Hear my voice! Some of us can identify and some of us don’t know how to identify with the situation of it because we have been in denial for far too long. Hear my voice!

Before my incarceration I attempted suicide not knowing how to deal with depression. I know 23 years ago in the black communities we kept things like that on a hush-hush. We were taught to be strong and yet stay silent. Looking back almost two and a half decades ago if I would have gotten help – I believe I would not be in prison still, 23 years later.

Do you hear my voice! People that have a mental condition are being locked up for decades at a time not getting the help that they need. It seems as if they just keep you suppressed with medication after medication. What do we do? We take the medicine just to get by. I believe D.O.C. really needs Mental Health programs that would help people deal with their problems head on instead of just coping with it.

Hear my voice! Hear my voice! I’m still holding on as best as I know how. I must say prison can really work on your Psyche. Especially being incarcerated decades after decades not being able to go up for parole or even have a chance to receive Earned Sentence Credit’s which I have earned my rights to receive. Having done all I can to rehabilitate myself by completing mind changing programs offered by D.O.C. as well as getting my G.E.D. in 2013. I have also been charge free for 18 years of 23 years of my incarceration. Do you hear my voice crying out in the wilderness? Is there anyone out there that has a heart will you listen to me, please?

Here at Caroline Correction Unit #2 I have put a Peer Recovery lead group together along with other men. Learning Objectives, such as understanding Mental Health and Addiction and more. Rehabilitating ourselves. Do you hear my voice!? I have learned in my 23 years of incarceration that if you want change, you have to start from within yourself. Men and women behind the walls to ensure that we get the right people in office. We have to educate our loved ones the importance of voting on the States level because it deals with the laws that affect our everyday lives out there and in here. In my closing men and women behind the walls keep your head up change is coming soon. Hear my voice!

Written By Jerry L James

Caroline Correction Unit #2

“Stress is What We Wake Up To.”

Stress is what we wake up to, walk with, and lay down with… It’s in our phone calls, our visits, and our mail… Its in our food, prices at the already high commissary, and a holiday package that costs more than you can afford! Its all around us, and how do we escape it?? We don’t… We have learned over time that people like “Youngkin,” do things for the political aspect of it.

Think back 30 years to when Governor Allen had Virginia… The scare tactic he ran off of and the way the system went down…. Youngkin is running in his shadows trying to gain a foothold in the political landscape off of our backs as past politician’s have done also. So for me, I try to live with it. When it gets to the point I think its winning, I stop everything and take a step back… So I embrace it, and at times I may need something to help me get up or go to sleep, but after 30+ years with no breaks and a lot of dreams, I think embracing it works better than fighting with it.

People, I’ve lost almost all of my family… I’m at the hands of the system and whatever it chooses to do… But I keep pushing for change!! Mental health in the system is not up to what society thinks it is in here. Think about it, the man at Marion who was killed last February 2022, by those COs who kicked him and one hour later they found him dead… That wasn’t the first time it happened. The medical staff at Smith County Hospital didn’t report the first incident in 2018 to the police, so they got by with it… Now they may never be prosecuted for killing a man with the brain of an eight year old child!!!

Mental health isn’t no where near were it should be in here… I’ve seen people who have actually lost it and because they are put into regular pods instead of mental health treatment centers, they usually get assaulted…

We need people who are committed to making big changes in this system and those who talk the game but don’t follow thru, make sure to impeach them from the office they received by your good graces… People out there can put them in office but can remove them also before their term is up if they don’t hold up to their campaign promise.

The old heads in the system like to say, (let the young bucks have it now)… We let the young people out there stand up to get their loved ones back from a system that’s not designed to rehabilitate, it just warehouses people for the federal dollars. Money is the only thing that talks…

Russell Browning, #1116214

July Prompt: State Leaders, Mental Health, and Incarcerated Lives

It’s been an entire year since the VA governor’s 11th hour budget amendment that denied thousands of hopeful incarcerated people and their families long-awaited relief from Virginia’s harsh practice of over sentencing. The sudden walk back combined with the already adverse conditions (i.e. the Coronavirus Pandemic, Fentanyl, etc) plaguing the penitentiary have caused serious stress for some – myself included. This elevates the every day stressors of prison life from a common occurrence that can be remedied with moderate time and care, to a contest of will that can have lethal consequences for the defeated.

The prison yard has been relatively quiet, subdued by the jerk and pull of politics and the overwhelming sense of powerlessness. Dejected prisoners have not mustered the spirit to organize in light of all the work that has been done on their behalf in the past few years. From personal experience that spans a decade and a half, prisoners do not expect things to change and the past year has reinforced feelings of injustice. These feelings have been suppressed for the most part and redistributed to expressions that firmly place prisoners deeper into prison life and further from productive, prospective ways of thinking.

For me, the past year has been a crash course in environmental influence on mental health and how this is so essential to effective rehabilitation. It has also raised an important question in my mind: How much weight do our state leaders place on the mental wellness of its incarcerated? How much weight to they place on mental wellness and public safety?

State Democrats decided not to readdress Enhance Sentence Credits in this year’s General Assembly — predicting failure to pass and further unnecessary stress on prisoners and their families. Currently, the matter of Earned Sentence Credits and the Governor’s walk back of eligibility is being heard by the VA Supreme Court. This process can take quite some time to be decided. Other alternatives to relief include: expiration of the budget amendment in June 2024 (and hopefully its not reissued by the Governor and House), or The House gains enough Second Chance members in the upcoming election to push a bill through. This form of alternative also cannot be effective till 2024.

In the meantime, what do we do about the immense mental stress that is pushing prisoners to very bleak brinks — increased agitation, physical altercations, deep depression, and drug overdoses? Each of these issues have been exacerbated by Governor Youngkin’s political agenda and toying with human lives…

-Q, July 2023

Prompt Questions (Thought Starters for the Incarcerated Population):

Can you identify any extra stress brought on by the governor’s budget amendment; for you, your environment, loved ones at home, or friends/family on the inside?
How can the state better use resources in order to address the mental health of incarcerated people?
What may be some key ways to deal with elevated stress while incarcerated?
Can you think of any alternative ways the prison community can view the legislative process to better cope with changes like that of governor Youngkin’s budget amendment?
What can we do as incarcerated people to ensure that we put the right people in office who care about our lives?